I got this in my email

Ways to get an MC.

1) Flu - If you are a smoker, skip that morning fag and voila, you’ve got yourself a symptom that could last for a couple of hours.
2) If you are a non smoker, sleep late and wake up early. First thing when your eyes open, rub that nose… then splash some water on your face. Definitely get the nose rubbing on a roll. You’ll get light symptoms of the flu as well.
3) Fever - Workout at the gym, eat some chilli and you’ll get the temperature up. Or take a swig of wine, vodka, whisky, rum, etc.
4) Stomach flu - Don’t eat. Starve yourself. Only drink milk. Get the gas going in your poor stomach. Then see the doctor.
5) Fatigue - You’ve been working late the past few weeks for an important project and it just took off. You haven’t been able to sleep due to a messed up bio clock and you need sleep inducers as well as 2 days MC to recover.
6) Headache - Simple. Whether it pounds, throbs, or splits… your choice.
7) Food poisoning - You have been puking throughout last night after a bad supper. Now you are absolutely weak, not the mention sleepless… Remember, keep an empty stomach.
8) Menstrual cramps - This is ladies only. Period.
9) Conjunctivitis or anything close - If you are a smoker, you are prone to having ashes flying in your face. This time aim for eye. Smudging Colgate on the eye helps as well. Definite to give puffiness or rather, a pretty good swell. No idea how long it will last though. Try and let me know.
10) Stress - Look pathetic. Work overload. You need a break. Dark rings under the eyes would help. Try eyeshadow.

Not all emails are junk mail or spam ok. Sometimes we get educational ones as well. I'm definately going to try a few tricks mentioned above.